


Haunted by Memories of You

by qiaolianmay



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, just stay with me until the next chapter, maybe?? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-07 08:35:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8790871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qiaolianmay/pseuds/qiaolianmay
Summary: It's time to remove the boundaries but life got in the way...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I can't let this idea go so I immediately write and post it without checking. I just need this to leave me and well here it is.. Mistakes are mine. and It'll be okay.

_Maybe love is not ready for you_  
_Maybe you are not ready for love_  
 _Maybe love just isn't the marrying type_  
 _Maybe the next time you see love is twenty years after the divorce_  
 _Love looks older now, but just as beautiful as you remember_

 _-_ **When Love Arrives** | Sarah Kay  & Phil Kaye

* * *

 

“It’s a warzone.” He commented.

It was supposed to be a simple mission but then, when did a SHIELD mission ever simple? It exploded, or rather, there was an explosion and they were caught. Phil used  his shield from his synthetic hand to get them to safety. At least for a bit.

“The back-up will be here in ten.” He said as he caught in the comms Mack’s voice telling them the specifics.

“Not enough time.” She said. She tried to stand and prepare for the inevitable when Phil grabbed her hand and pulled her to him their faces are foot apart.

“You can’t.” He said quietly. There was longing and fear shining on his eyes as he said the words. Melinda was looking at him with furrowed eyebrows.

He swallowed.

 “You can’t be reckless. We need to take a rest and make a plan.” He whispered looking into her eyes.

Melinda shook her head.

“Can’t. There’s no time.” She replied before pulling away and taking her gun. She rarely use a gun to fight and seeing her hold one means business. He could hear his heart beating faster by each passing seconds.

“Melinda wait.” He stammered. Melinda stopped and glanced at him. “I’ll coming with you. We are team. If you’re going there, I will too.” He explained.

Melinda shook her head. “Stay.” She insisted.

“But—“

“Whatever you do, don’t leave.” She commanded before running off and facing the enemies.

He heard a gunshot and it was chaos. He knew that he’s supposed to stay and most likely let May handle. He trusted May to do her thing but things are different now. Something had changed after she died and came back. Those moments when he was in-between and saw how distraught she was made him realized that he needed to make a move before it’s too late. That once he’d be able to escape the world that sucking them in, he would no longer waste anymore time. Thirty years had been long enough for them to stop the inevitable.

He then made a decision. He pulled up his shield and joined her.

“I told you to stay there!” She reprimanded as soon as she saw her. She twisted the arm of one of the goons that was following them and executed a reversed roundhouse kick on the other, all the while glaring at him.

Such a skill.

“I can’t let you have all the fun.” He smirked as he fired his own gun to the other ones left from the fight with May.

“Why won’t you listen to me for once, Phil?” She bellowed.

“Why do you keep on insisting risking your lives for the people? For me?” he added the last one quietly.

“You are really doing this here? Really?” She fumed.

“I might as well do.” He challenged.

She scoffed. She closed her eyes and breathe. He knew this trick for so long. She had been doing it if she couldn’t do the tai-chi to calm herself. She’s mad at him and that’s clear enough to see. And if that’s what keeping him from staying with her, fighting with her, and trying to keep her safe, then he might as well make her angry a little bit more.

From her peripheral, he could see her destroy the guys twice-thrice her size. Her fluid moves were still lethal like the old days. It amazed him how she still managed to keep her form after all this time. He knew back when she was in the administration, she would spar with Maria or Nat, sometimes with both of them in order to keep her shape. Half of the time, he would wait for her outside to finish the sparring session in the middle of the night. He would bring her snacks from her favourite diner in downtown New York.  They would go and fly lola, stopping mid-air to share the snacks that he bought. They would talk all night—he talked and she merely listen, humming a sound of approval when he talked about his missions that were successful. Sometimes, he would spar with her and no matter what he does, he always ended up with May kicking his ass. The rare smile that he missed would usually graced her face the moment she’s on top of him. She would joke that he’s getting old and that he really needed more practice. They would usually end it with her saying “Thank you.” And he never asked why.

“Thank you.” She said, as soft as when they would spar after they beat the group that was following them. Lately, he had been noticing that there was something different about her. She’s more vocal and more flirty than she already is. She’s a little chirpy too. He somewhat disregarded it because he was enjoying it more he's supposed to.

It’s like a glimpse of Melinda before that fateful day back in Bahrain. He's willing to take everything he can get.

* * *

He had been thinking of strategies on how to tell her. How to tell her that they he still have feelings for her. That he’s finally crossing the line that they’ve been afraid of crossing for so long. The boundaries blurred a long time ago and he felt like it’s time for them to remove the boundaries all together. A part of him is afraid that she might not reciprocate, that maybe he’s only reading things the wrong way.

He loved—loves her. That was clear enough for him.

“Melinda.” He started. Maybe it wasn’t the right time or place. Maybe there wasn’t a right time or place to tell her what he had to tell. The fight for their lives isn’t over but the fight between him and his feelings ended a long time ago.

There is no right or wrong time. Just now.

Melinda took a glance at him. She smirked, she must’ve seen the look on his face. He’s lost but she found him. He’s doing it.

Finally doing it.

“I—“

It happened so fast, he saw her eyes widen in fear. He felt her hands touching his shoulders and twisted him. Then he heard it. Two deafening gun shots.

Gun shots that were meant for him but was taken by her.

“You’re safe.” She whispered. She cradled his face and she coughed. Blood oozed from her mouth. “I’m..”

“May, Melinda, Melinda please stop talking. Save your energy.” He said in panic. His synthetic hand was brushing the hair away from her face and the other was holding her close. Keeping her steady. There was warm and wet. He could feel her blood from her wounds.

“I-no longer have.” She breathe heavily. “I’m really glad you’re safe.” She said smiling at him before her hand slides from his face.

And then there was none.

* * *

 _Maybe love stays_  
_Maybe love can't_  
_Maybe love shouldn't..._


	2. Chapter 2

It took a while for the medics to take Melinda’s body from his tight grasp.  They entered the warehouse and saw him looking so lost, it was as if the life was sucked from him. Jemma had to be the one to coax him to give Melinda to them since his grip was too tight and she’s a familiar face and voice. Jemma’s heart broke into two upon seeing his face, his eyes were dark and he’s looking away from the body he was holding. It was dark and lifeless, it was as if his whole world collapsed after his partnered died. Might as well be it since she’s his whole world.

And she never knew.

It had been an hour and Phil had stayed in the plane since then, looking at his hand soaked with _her_ blood. He slowly stood in the middle of the place.

“Y-you told me I wasn’t allowed to be gone, where are you now?” he whispered solemnly to thin air as he look at cockpit. “You asked me not to die and I didn’t… but you did. I can’t do this without you Melinda. I can’t.”

He gradually walked towards the exit. He walked as if he lost his head in a battle.

Battle.

He had battle scars from the fight that they had earlier but he couldn’t feel them. He couldn’t feel anything. It was as if he had gone numbed from the pain that was caused by losing his whole world. His heart shattered into pieces and maybe it was impossible but he could feel his heart breaking into tiny particles as he remember her eyes slowly dimming while looking at him. A small smile graced on her beautiful face that was slowly forming into thin line as her life was being taken away from her.

 _“I’m really glad you’re safe.”_ Were her last words, at the very end, it was still his well being that she had taken into account. At her last breath, it was his safety that she’s after. She died knowing that she had saved him but what she didn’t know was that, his heart died after hers did.

He walked in a slow pace and the agents roaming around gave him way. They all looked at him with worry, pity, and understanding. They had no idea what exactly Phil Coulson and Melinda May were to each other but they also knew that they were partners both in academy and field. However, they knew that losing a partner’s a great deal for every agents of SHIELD.  Seeing their former director like this meant that this loss was greater than SHIELD itself. Phil saw none of it as he walked towards the solace of _her_ room.

Phil passed by the medical room and on his peripheral, he saw someone akin like Melinda but in his mind his own brain was playing tricks on him. He just continue walking. Fitzsimmons who were stationed by the room called him back but it was as if he didn’t hear them. He might probably didn’t as he looked so lost in a place that he had memorized by heart.

He punched the code to her room. It was as pristine as when he last saw it. They were drinking the bottle of Haig that he opened weeks ago after the whole ghost rider and Eli debacle. He walked towards the bed and sat on the floor where the bottle was resting. He took a swig and let the amber liquid burnt his throat. Memories of her ran through his mind. Her soft taunting smile that tell him that she’s not impressed by the things that he pulled but there’s that understanding that, he had to do it despite being the idiot that he was.

He was in the middle of reminiscing their time in Glasgow when the door opened and light seeped in. He didn’t pay any attention, instead, he focused on finishing the bottle himself.

This was their worst assignment and he has no one to share the bottle with.

“Phil.” The voice was eerily familiar. It was soft, just like the way _she_ would pronounce his name. She repeat it and this time he looked at her.

She’s there and she’s looking at him with sorrow.

“A-are you haunting me for not… for not protecting you?” He asked as his throat constrict upon seeing her face. There wasn’t judgment or anger. Her face was just sad. Not even a hint of pity on her face. He did that and now he’s suffering. He deserved it and he had no right to suffer even a little at all.

“I’m sorry. I-“

“Phil…” The figure tried to interrupt but he didn’t let her. He needed to let it out. He needed to tell her… even if it’s just a figment of his mourning soul.

“Listen to me.. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to protect you. I am sorry that your cause of death is by protecting me. You have a life ahead of you. You died and it’s unfair. I died. I shouldn’t be here but here I am and you.. you’re gone. I’m sorry.” He looked at the figure with glassy eyes. The Melinda-like figure closed the door and opened the dim lights of the room. She still looked immaculate even in the dark.

“I didn’t tell you how much you mean to me, Melinda. I didn’t tell you how much I love you. I love you not.. not because you’re my only family left. I love you because you’re just… you.. the brave and selfless and the one with the biggest heart the most… but it’s worthless now, you’re gone. I am lost without you, Melinda. You are my light. You are my home. Why did you have to save me? You are not allowed to be gone. Not yet.” He said the same words that she said when thought he’s gone. He tightly grip the bottle of Haig with his real hand and closed his eyes as tears started falling from his eyes.

At the distance, thunder roared and rain started falling. It was as if the sky was mourning with him. He didn’t deserve that.

A familiar warm hand gently wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Look at me.” The voice said and he obeyed. He then met dark eyes in the dark. It was familiar.

_It couldn’t be._

She smiled upon seeing the recognition from his eyes..

“I am here. It’s me.” She whispered as she gently wiped his tears.

“B-but.. how?” He asked hoarsely.

“It was an android, turns out the darkhold had an effect on Aida. I managed to escape her.” She said with a smug smile.

“I should’ve known.” He muttered.

“There was nothing you can do. I saw her, fake me. Even fitzsimmons were not able to see right through her.” She responded.

“I was your partner. I should’ve known. We’ve known each other for years and I.. you were in trouble and I didn’t know. I should’ve known it wasn’t you.”

“Phil…” She called him out as he continue muttering the words over and over. By the third time, he looked at her. The fear was evident on his face.

“I will never be mad at you Phillip Coulson. Do you understand that?” She asked, he didn’t answer. “Do you?” She repeat and this time, he nodded.

“You weren’t able to know it wasn’t me because Aida used my brain scan. She studied me and she perfectly made a decoy of myself. Even I wouldn’t know that. Aida fooled me too, remember?” He nodded.

“I’m sorry.” He just said.

“Stop apologizing to me.” She said whilst sitting in front of him. “We still need to talk about things at length. We still need to talk about the things we have to do—“

“I love you!” he blurted out.

“I heard you the first time.” She responded with a soft smile on her face. She leaned her forehead to his as she looked at his cerulean eyes. He waited. “I love you too.” She finally said.

He closed the gap between them and ever softly pressed his lips wit hers. His world slowly built on its own and everything’s right again. He has his lifeline back.

* * *

 _"Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to" -_ **When Love Arrives |** Sarah Kay & Phil Kaye


End file.
